


Moving On (Or Lack Of)

by taunting



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Crying, Death, Depressed Peter Parker, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Hurt, Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, I Am A Sadist And I Am Trying My Best, Loss, Loss of Parent(s), Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Peter I Am So Sorry, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Spoilers, Therapy, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Is Not Helping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 17:32:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18627958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taunting/pseuds/taunting
Summary: Peter deals with the death of his mentor. He's trying to move on, but a certain dead guy is making it hard for him.





	1. Chapter 1

"I just think it would help," May whispered, placing her hand on Peter's back to support him.

It wasn't the first time she had suggested therapy. Ever since Tony passed, things had been different. Peter left the glimmer of innocence in his eyes at the battlefield. His Spider-Man suit gained permanent residence at the bottom of his closet. He alternated between sleeping for days on end, to not sleeping at all. He was slipping, and all May could do was watch.

He remained silent, his gazed fixed on the wall. May sighed.

"Can you try? For me?"

Peter didn't want to talk to someone. Once he talked about it, it became real. Not to mention, how could he explain how he knew Tony? The details of his death were kept under wraps. Any lie would be too difficult to tell. And if he told the truth about his identity, surely the therapist would be too focused on talking about that. He was alone in this.

He noticed the looks from May, when she thought he couldn't see her. It hurt her to see Peter like this, and it hurt him even more to know that. That's why he tried to make an effort into going to school. But at school, teachers noticed his change of personality. They noticed how slow he moved, they noticed his lack of engagement, they noticed how out of it he felt. He was tired of them asking him, or reaching out to his aunt. Peter had never felt such a heavy blanket of regret, solitary, and defeat.

On most days, he blamed himself. He spent countless hours thinking back to what he could have done differently. If he kept the gauntlet away from Tony and Thanos during the battle, Tony couldn't have gotten it. If he hadn't been dusted, he could have helped him find a different way to defeat Thanos. If he had been quicker to get the gauntlet out of Thanos' grasp on Titan, Tony wouldn't have to use the stones again. 

He quit patrolling. He didn't have the energy or the will to. When he tried to roam the streets, all he could see was a world without Iron Man. And it was a dark world. People had strung up posters, painted walls in memorial, displayed any kind of tribute they could.

He exhaled. "Yeah, I guess." Anything for May.

She gave a relieved smile, and embraced him. "Thank you," she hummed. Peter kept his gaze at the wall. She lingered for a minute, before leaving Peter's room to make dinner.

"Are you going to tell her about me?" Tony asked, leaning against the wall.

Peter got up and closed his door. "No," he mumbled, before plopping back down on his mattress.

"Why don't you patrol anymore? Is somebody else protecting the little guy?" The billionaire pried. 

Peter turned to him with a sorrowful face. "I'm too tired," he choked.

"So you're just going to quit?"

He let out a shaky breath and looked down. "You're gone. What am I supposed to do?" Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. Tony stared at him with a blank face.

"I'm not your therapist," he quipped. Tony thought for a second. "Speaking of therapists, don't tell yours about Casper The Friendly Ghost," he pointed back at himself. "They'll send you to the nut house. And I need you out here."

For a minute, silence filled the room. Peter could hear May rummaging around in the kitchen.

"Mr. Stark?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"Please don't go,"

Tony sighed. "I won't."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter goes back to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this has taken a while to update ! it's taking all my willpower to update these fics instead of starting new ones. :-)

   "Did you eat?" May called out, right as Peter was heading out the door.  
  
   "Yeah," He lied. Usually he would’ve eaten- just to keep May happy. But everything tasted bland, and he was too tired to work up an appetite anyways. He spent most of the night on tumblr, breaking down over the tony stark tag and fighting Iron Man Antis. The dark circles resting underneath his eyes had made a permanent home.  
  
   The subway trip was short and uneventful. Tony didn't make an appearance, which Peter was glad for- He'd never admit that, and he felt a pang of guilt as he realized it, but seeing his mentor only reminded him of the battle.

 

   Things had normalized at school for the most part. It had taken a while to round up new teachers, since many had left to be with family or had gotten another job after the snap. MJ and Ned had been dusted along with him, so he at least still had his friends to go through highschool with. Peter silently made his way to his English class, and slipped into his seat next to Ned.  
  
   He zoned out for most of the period, opting to stare out of the window or pick at his fingernails. His teacher, Ms. Miller, was discussing the essay she had them write. When the bell rang, she stopped Peter from walking out of the class.  
  
   "May I talk to you, Mr. Parker?" She said quietly.  
  
   He nodded softly and slumped back down against a desk.  
  
   "I was really moved by your essay," She smiled.  
  
     Peter tensed. "Oh, I..."  
  
   "When I assigned it, I expected people to recall their personal experiences with the dusting. Some even wrote about the economic and environmental consequences of it. But you..." She waved her hands in the air, attempting to find the right words. "You wrote fiction,"  
  
    Peter had only remembered to write the essay the night before. He sat for hours staring at a blank screen, before he made a “fuck-it” move, and wrote about the battle. Tony had sat on his bed next to him and corrected any errors he made. He also reminded him to make it in third person, so no one would wonder why he thought he was Spider-Man. He finished it in an hour, closed his laptop, and passed out.  
  
"I'm sorry, I just-“  
  
   "Please don't apologize. I'm giving you an A." She smiled and handed his paper to him. "You have a very creative mind. I'm impressed with how intricate your story is. Your antagonist, Thanos? You made him have a moral compass. A messed up moral compass, for sure, but it's much more plausible for a villain to really believe he's doing the right thing."  
  
 Peter nodded, biting back his emotions. In the corner of his eye, he saw Tony leaning against the wall.  
  
   “Do you like Iron Man?”  
  
    The question caught him off guard. “What?”  
  
    “Is he your favorite?”  
  
   He fumbled over his words. Tony chuckled softly in the corner, and Peter frowned. “I dunno,”  
  
   Ms. Miller nodded. “It’s too bad about what happened.”  
  
    Peter didn’t need to ask what she was talking about. He gave a pitiful nod and kept his eyes on the floor.  
  
  "What made you think of writing a story?"  
  
 Peter looked up to make eye-contact with Tony. His mentor winked. "I guess I didn't want to accept reality."  
  
She hummed. “If you ever need to talk about anything, I’m always here.”  
  
   Peter sighed. “Thank you,”  
  
   They sat in silence for what felt like forever.  
  
   "Well, I'm sorry for keeping you after the bell. You should really think about writing more!"  
  
    Peter stood up, and unceremoniously walked to his next class.

 

  

   Most of Peter's classes went by quickly, and soon he found himself in physics. The teacher was handing out their test when Peter realized he didn’t study.  
  
   Tony must have realized it, too, because he sank into the empty seat next to his and leaned over. He drummed his fingers against the desk as Peter wrote his name.  
  
   The test took up the entire period. Peter was able to figure out most questions by himself, and Tony didn’t help until Peter looked at him with pleading eyes. But while he was finishing up the last few questions, his mentor got antsy. He sighed loudly, got up from his seat, and began strolling through the rows. Every so often he’d blurt out a “wrong,” or just laugh. If he’d been with him under different circumstances, Peter might have laughed as well.  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry. I don't have the internship anymore. It got let go after Mr. Stark..."
> 
> "Oh. That's difficult. Did you know him?"
> 
> Tony picked up a fidget toy that laid on one of the side tables and began to press the buttons. "Yeah, did you know the great Tony Stark?" He smirked.
> 
> "We met... a couple times, yeah. Usually he was too busy. Being a, uh, superhero... or whatever he did."
> 
> Tony beamed. He threw the toy back on the table and started rummaging through the doctor's desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it has been a HOT minute since i've written,,, honestly i thought i was gonna stop writing any fics but then i was looking through my inbox and saw comments on this so. i decided to give it a go. this is Long overdue but yknow. its here.
> 
> also want to apologize because this isn't proof-read at ALL. hope its legible lmao

The therapist that May had scheduled Peter an appointment with resided a couple blocks down from their apartment, in a looming brick building that looked as if the owners were doing their best to keep it anew. Landscaping had been recently added, but with the majority of sunlight being shadowed by surrounding buildings, and smoggy air thick enough to drive any sane person out of the city, the flowers and bushes looked shriveled and sad. Peter guessed that it was remodeled after the reverse snap. The unsnap? Anyway.

He checked the crumpled piece of paper in his pocket for the umpteenth time. Dr. Crawford. Floor 3. Suite 304. Push the button that reads "CRAWFORD" and sit down and wait. 

It wasn't the first time Peter had been to therapy. When his parents passed, and he had gone to see a rather short, elderly woman that had stuffed animals all over her couch and the longest nose six-year-old Peter had ever seen. Half the time he was too enthralled with any toy he could get his hands on to be paying attention to the questions she was asking him. It went like this for two years. How have you been. Good. How was school. Okay. How are you feeling today. Alright. Just alright? Sure. Why? I had to miss science to come here. Have you thought about what we discussed last week? ... I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?

Blah blah blah.

Of course Peter never really opened up to the therapist, about how he still held on hope that his parents would come home, about how he would wake up in the middle of the night and not know where he was, about how he cringed every time he looked at his uncle because he looked a little too much like his dad. Maybe he had trust issues. Maybe he was just too dumb to really know what was happening. 

 

Dr. Crawford's office was tidy yet cozy. She had a large window almost spanning across the whole wall, and despite the lack of sun, the window seemed to brighten up the room and make everything feel lighter and more open. There was a bookshelf against the adjacent wall, sporting many columns of psychology books or whatever the fuck therapists have, along with little knickknacks and hand painted gifts, probably from other clients. She took a seat in one of the large recliner chairs facing the couch and gestured for Peter to sit. 

Dr. Crawford introduced herself, told Peter about her background, what she specialized in, how she was sworn to doctor-patient secrecy. She asked Peter to tell her about himself.

Peter played with his jacket's sleeve and bit his lip. "I, uh, I don't really know where to start."

"So when I'm first meeting a new patient I like to really know everything up to this point. I understand it can be difficult talking to someone new and I hope to gain some trust between us before we start talking about current issues. Now this session is just casual, get to know each other. Nothing too uncomfortable, I hope."

He nodded. "Uh, my name is Peter Parker, I was born on August 27th, I'm 16. I'm an only child. I've lived in Queens all my life. My parents, Richard and Mary, were scientists. They died in a plane crash when I was six." 

The doctor only nodded. Peter realized that she probably already knew, what with having to talk on the phone with May and all. He also realized that this was probably not what she meant when she said "everything up to this point," but it was easiest to start there and it didn't seem like she minded.

"I went to live with my Aunt May and my Uncle Ben after that. I had to switch schools which kind of sucked, but I met my best friend Ned so it wasn't all that terrible. Right now I go to Midtown School of Science and Technology. I hang out with my friend Ned most of the time. and sometimes this girl named MJ. She's cool."

He paused. What else was he supposed to say now? 'Oh, and that was when I was bitten by a radioactive spider!' no. 

"I was lucky enough to get an internship at Stark Industries a couple of years ago." He released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. This was okay. This wasn't really a lie. He could talk about this.

Dr. Crawford hummed. "That sounds exciting. You must be really smart to have gotten that."

"Pft. I don't know. Guess I was just lucky."

"Do you still have the internship?"

Peter watched as Tony began to flip through the books on the shelf. He was wearing some fancy red shaded glasses and some weird shoes that made him look taller than he was. He looked at Peter and gestured back at the therapist. Peter furrowed his brow, before Tony rolled his eyes and made a hand-puppet mimic talk. _Oh._

"Peter? Where'd you go?"

"I'm sorry. I don't have the internship anymore. It got let go after Mr. Stark..."

"Oh. That's difficult. Did you know him?"

Tony picked up a fidget toy that laid on one of the side tables and began to press the buttons. "Yeah, did you know the great Tony Stark?" He smirked.

"We met... a couple times, yeah. Usually he was too busy. Being a, uh, superhero... or whatever he did."

Tony beamed. He threw the toy back on the table and started rummaging through the doctor's desk.

The rest of the meeting went by without any major hiccups. Peter tried to dodge any questions regarding the Stark Internship, or about the blip in general, so Dr. Crawford got the idea and didn't ask more. Peter talked about his classmates, about May, his grades, classes in school, he even brought up Flash. Tony had disappeared after talk about the internship had depleted. 

 

He started the trek home. Piles of garbage still lined the street, and a foul stench had made its home throughout the entire city. Peter wouldn't mind it as much if it didn't remind him that the snap happened. That everything went to shit when half of all life was dusted and the other half didn't know what to do. That he's back here after having fought Thanos with the Avengers, twice, and that Tony is buried six feet under in the ground. But he's also inside Peter's head.

Just like that, Peter glanced and saw Tony walking next to him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Don't you know?"

Peter kicked a rock on the sidewalk and scoffed. "Why would I have asked if I didn't know?"

"You got a mouth on you, kid. Did you grow a pair after I bit it?"

"Shut up. I don't want to think about that."

Tony sighed. "You really don't know?"

"Unfinished business? Ghost stuff?"

"C'mon, you're smarter than that."

They walked in silence for a block. 

"You don't actually think I'm... _here,_ do you, Petey?"

Peter slowed. "I don't know what you mean."

Tony softened, his voice quiet. "Yes you do."

"Stop it," He snapped. He picked up his pace, practically running back to his apartment, until he made it through the lobby and into the stairwell. He wiped away the tears that had been gathering in his eyes, and curled up against the wall. His head dropped wearily into his shaking hands, and he wept. 

Was he lying? Peter figured he was going insane. But as it went on he still grasped onto the idea that maybe the closest thing he's had to a father figure in _years_ wasn't really gone. Just like the rest of them. His chest heaved, and he let out ugly, gut-wrenching sobs that echoed throughout the stairwell. He looked around for his mentor, but he wasn't there. Had he ever been there? 

In that moment, as he was trying to figure out how to breathe again, he couldn't help but remember the dust. The fire, the burning smell, the mix of debris and blood that soaked the floor of the battlefield. The dust of Thanos' army, snapped away, clouded his senses and burning his eyes as it flowed with the wind. Wiping at his eyes to see what had happened, why there was dust in his eyes. As quickly as the aliens had vanished from the Earth, Peter Parker's father did as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have also decided to completely ignore far from home. thank u
> 
>  
> 
> (not because i didnt like it but because i started writing this before it came out lol)


End file.
